Okay! Time for truth telling. When is the last time you took a poop alone? I mean without a hand poking from under the door. If your house is like mine you probably even have the dog wagging her tail waiting for you to finish. Just last week I was in the bathtub with my 10mo old son while my oldest son sat on the floor at the side of the tub so we could do his homework. At this point in my life “Me Time” is very limited. There are days that I long for some solitude. I want to hear my own thoughts without the sweet cries of the baby or one thousand questions from my inquisitive older son. News flash!! Feeling this way DOES NOT make you a bad mom. It makes you a human. Being a mom by no means excludes you from deserving a moment to yourself. It does bring to my mind two very relevant points!
1. Alone time essential
2. One day you’ll be sad that you’re pooping alone
Now, let’s start with the first point. Alone time is essential. As a mother and a spouse it is often very hard to find a minute to myself. Do not get me wrong; I do not want to be away from my family. My boys are the love of my life and my fiance is such a great man to me. However, my life consists of so many things. I’m a mother, a significant other, a sister, an aunt, a daughter, someone’s boss, an employee, and so much more. My point is, with all the things happening around me everyday, things can get overwhelming. Moms have a mental to-do list that is three miles long most days. It’s only right that once and a while you take some time breathe. Take that alone time.
Alone time doesn’t have to be a full extravagant day. Just allow yourself some time to reflect, do something for yourself that doesn’t involve the kids, start the book you bought 6 months ago, write in your journal, take a hot bath, whatever it is that soothes you. Not too long ago I decided that one day a week I would take some time to myself. I start by yelling to my fiance, “Come get these kids!! This is my alone day!” I don’t particularly have a certain day that I do this it just depends on my mood and how I’m feeling. There are some days more than others that I just NEED to clear my mind. My time consists of a good book (one I’ve been trying to read for like two months), my biggest wine glass filled to the brim, and a hot bath. And if I’m feeling extra fancy I’ll add in some Dr. Teal’s bath minerals and burn my sage to really catch a vibe. I will sit in that tub until I’m a prune and the tank can’t produce more hot water if it wanted to.
Taking this time to myself once a week helps out so much. It gives me the space to take on more. I’m able to relax my mind and body. There’s nothing more essential than that. Taking care of me allows me to take better care of them. And that is something that I’ll never feel the need to apologize for. Don’t forget yourself ladies. And if you start to feel bad it just remember, dads (if not single dads) almost always, get to shit, shower, and shave ALONE.
For the second point. Although, I fantasize about walking into my bathroom, undressing alone, and taking a seat on my toilet to pee and/or poop with no audience, I know there will come a time I will long for it. I will miss seeing little hands and fingers wiggling under that door, I’ll miss hearing the soft whimper of the baby boy as he tries to utter mama, I’ll miss the game of 20 Questions my oldest unknowing starts as I’m trying to relive myself. I love hearing my kids laugh and play. I love watching them love on each other and hearing, “Mama, please come look!” I live for this. Thinking about the day that my children will leave home and have lives outside of these walls both excites me and saddens me. I’ll miss all their friends coming over to ask if they can come out and play. I’ll miss all the fingerprints on the glass door from the neighborhood kids knowing that this home is always open to them.
Mama’s. Enjoy all of the little moments. We can have alone time and still love our babies. We can take a day for just ourselves and it doesn’t make us a bad mom. You cannot be the best mom, if you cannot be your best self. Self-care is essential. I can’t take care of them to my fullest capacity if my tank is always empty. If you’re a single mom, I know this is so hard to do. I’ve been there. I’ve put the baby to bed by myself and finally at 10pm or later taken a moment to just breathe. Fit it in. And keep being the badass mom that you are. Women with significant others, explain to your partner why you need this time and them help you make time for it. It is a non-negotiable. I would dare to say that my fiance likes me much more when I’ve had my alone time. Happy spouse, happy house.
And so I leave you with this:
Do not be burdened by the pressures of the world,
you are a phenomenal woman, a strong woman.
Do not be suppressed by the idea that you have to reach perfection, that is not reality.
But enjoy the little moments.
One day this chaos will be but a memory