While drafting this last night I was holding my 10mo old in my arms. He was asleep in his bassinet until I decided he needed to be a little closer to mommy. FAIL. As soon as I moved him closer and climbed into bed he began to toss and turn. Those little hands rubbing his eyes and a sweet little “da-da” (like I’m not the one who pushed him into his existence) and he was wide awake again. He crawled to the side of the bassinet and began to reach his arms out to me. I scooped him up almost immediately and wrapped him in my comforter. He laid in my lap for a moment before nuzzling into my elbow to fall asleep again. He placed his hand on my chest and he was off to sleep. Just like that. Just knowing he was in my arms was all the comfort he needed to rest easy. Earlier, as I cleaned the kitchen from the meal I had prepared my oldest son came in. “Mom I want you to know that I love you so much and I hope you have a good night.” He puckered his lips and gave me a sweet goodnight kiss before going back to his room. He persuaded me to let him stay up a little longer to enjoy some TV. It’s these little things that let me know I’m doing it right. Today I did good. I am a good mom. I took the last swig of my beer and was ready for bed.
As a mother I know that we feel guilt about so many things. We wonder if we’re doing this right, did we do that wrong, should I buy these shoes for myself, why did I say that, etc etc. Let me tell you what. When I decided I was going to do whatever the hell I wanted to do, it was refreshing. I decided that I was going to raise my kids the way I choose to because I’m paying the bills here. I wiped these butts, got spit up on, my body changed, I’m wearing these stretch marks, and I’m catching this kids smart mouth from time to time. You know how good it feels to put my feet up on my deck and sip on a cold beer!? It is LOVELY!
We work far too hard raising our children, taking care of our spouse, being single parents, shuttling kids to this practice and that practice to feel bad about what someone else doesn’t agree with. And let me just say, that includes your parents too. That’s right. Even ya mama and them. But that’s a later topic of discussion. Drinking a beer doesn’t make me a bad mom. When I drink a bottle of wine it doesn’t make me a bad mom. And if I so decided to have some tequila then guess what? I’m still a good mom and it’s not your business. Drinking beer never made me a bad person and it sure doesn’t now. With all the mom groups I’m in on Facebook I see several moms saying they feel like they’ve lost themselves now that they are moms. Or that they’re trying to navigate through being a mom and doing mom things. They feel like they can’t enjoy the things they used to because their a mom. Like this somehow shifted them to in a sacred covenant of nunnery. Having a baby entitled you to the mom title regardless. Being a mom is so much easier when you allow yourself to live freely. You’re still in there. You don’t have to hide it. You most certainly don’t have to pretend.
My oldest child is 9 years old. He knows that mama drinks beer and wine. On occasion he’s asked if he could help me open my beer with one of the bottle openers he thinks is so cool. I’m very transparent with my kids. I don’t see a need to lie about anything. He loves me just the same. Refer to paragraph one. I had a beer last night. My son still kissed me goodnight, this morning he told me how much he loved me. My baby cuddled close and on my hubby’s way out he kissed me on my forehead. The love they have for me is not conditional. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows but they all love mama. That’s what matters.
Drink your beer mama, or whatever makes you feel good! You deserve it.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice
some are made of barley and hops and a pair of flip flops.