As with anything else I’m going to just jump right in. We’re talking about sex this evening. I am all about creating real, raw, and relatable content. And I don’t know what could be more raw than sex. Pun intended. According to research I’m about to provide you with only a little over half of you are using condoms anyway. My poor mama. She’s subscribed to this blog and if she’s made it this far into the post she’s blushing already. I’m sorry mama. Kinda. I’ll start off by keeping this “clean” and giving you some facts about sexual.
- The average age men have sex for the first time is 16.8 and for females it is 17.5
- 28% of Americans over the age of 45 reported having sex at least once a week or more in the last six months and 40% reported having sex at least once a month
- 56% of women report using condoms for sex the first time with a partner and 66% of men reported using condoms
- More than half of women 18 to 49 reported they have masturbated in the previous 90 days`
- 1/3 of women 60-69 reported they masturbate
- 85% of men report their partner reached an orgasm while 64% of women reported having had an orgasm (y’all still out here faking these orgasms?)
- Men whose most recent sexual encounter was during a relationship reported greater arousal, greater pleasure, fewer problems with erectile function, orgasm, and less pain
- Men and women both have greater sexual satisfaction frequent cuddling, kissing, and caressing (intimacy creates the fire)
Kinsey Institute. (2019). Sex FAQ’S. Indiana University. Retrieved from https://kinseyinstitute.org/research/faq.php.
Now, let’s continue. I actually have had this post in my head for about two weeks now. I got home today and asked my husband what he thought about me writing this. You should have seen the smile on his face. That was my answer. Sex is a very natural and very healthy act. All of us are here because our great great great great grandpa’s decided that mawmaw was hot shit and he wanted some of that. He wifed her up, had thirteen kids, and BOOM here we all are years later. Now I know that as a mother it is hard at times to find the time to have sex. Especially if you are a single mom. Been there, done that. The kid is home all the time. Trying to make someone understand that they can’t send you a random “wyd?” text at 9pm and expect you to be able to jump up is hard. It’s also more than aggravating. Navigating dating during this period was all together a task but it can be done. Coordinate your schedules, plan a date night, let your mama watch them kids for a few hours. Sexual health can help your mental health, I’m just saying. Many women self pleasure but let’s be honest, there’s nothing like the real thing. Unless you have one those … you know what, nevermind.
Married couples. If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it over a thousand times, “the sex stops once you get married.” When and why? I remember working in the nursing home and having a couple that had been married for almost 70 years. The wife one day told me how her husband would still try to creep into bed with her at night trying to make love. Even in their 80’s and 90’s they desired one another. The sex does not have to die. In the beginning you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. What changed? Kids came along, careers developed, maybe you just got busy. Sexual dissatisfaction is highly related to the increased risk of divorce. Not that sex is everything but it’s definitely a thing. One top piece of advice is to never stop dating. Keep flirting. You used to walk by and squeeze her but all the time. She would tell you to stop but that smile showed the truth. She loved it. I can’t tell you how many times a day I walk by my husband and grab at his pants. Smack him on the ass and give him a wink. He loves it. I want to be that way until I’m dead and gone. Sex is an important of my relationship and mental health. If it’s been too long I can tell. Mama gets a little cranky. He does too. We as women want to feel sexy and wanted and our men do too. Let him know he’s still got it and you still want it.
Let’s also touch on one other thing. In the research listed above more men stated their partner had an orgasm than women that reported orgasm. This tells me two things: women are still faking orgasms and men still think we aren’t faking orgasms. To the first part of that statement, ladies stop faking it. Tell your partner what you need. The percentage of women masturbating is pretty high which means you know your body. You know what you like. Let your man know. If he’s offended, I’m sorry, he needed to know, sis. Don’t settle for bad D. For the men reading this, every now and then just ask your woman. Ask her what she likes and what she doesn’t like if you aren’t sure. I don’t know a woman alive that would rather not tell you than have good sex. If you’re in a relationship communication is vital. Communicate about EVERYTHING. And I do mean everything. This person has smelled your poop. You can tell them how to keep it hot for you.
Here’s a big topic for a lot of women: sex after pregnancy. There are women that have no problem having sex after a pregnancy. Then there are some that find it pretty difficult. For myself it had nothing to do with my sex drive, it was high to start with and after pregnancy it jumped right back up there. I have also been sexually attracted to my husband from the start. It was a ‘Me’ issue. Pregnancy changes your body in so many ways. Almost nothing looks the same, my kangaroo pouch was more like a satchel, my cellulite had increased big time, and Lord let’s not talk about these breasts after breastfeeding two baby’s. But he still thought I was sexy. I didn’t ask him to, I didn’t tell him to. He just let me know. It took some time to convince myself. So this one is mainly for the men. Do not think that your girlfriend, wife, fiance does not find you attractive. I promise you she still thinks about you naked. This isn’t about you. It’s about her but you play a pivotal role in helping her realize her beauty. Tell her she’s beautiful, sneak up behind her and give her kisses. Randomly text her while you’re at work and tell her you’re thinking about her. Show her intimacy.
Intimacy. Intimacy is close familiarity or friendship; closeness. Connecting with your partner on an intimate level is essential to the health and wellness of your relationship and sex life. Intimacy means connecting with your partner mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And after a pregnancy women need all of the above more than a little bit. Women, your man needs intimacy too. Cuddling, talking, understanding, holding hands, working out together, ask him how his day was, pack him a lunch, rub her feet when she takes her heels off, run him a hot bath. The list goes on and on but you get the point. Connect. Communicate. If your intimacy is on point, the sex is going to be wonderful.
What I’m saying is make sex a priority. I will make my kids go to bed at 5pm if it means mama can have sex tonight. I am not one to deny myself the pleasures I desire. And just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I have to.
“Sex is like money. Only too much is enough.” -John Updike