FAQ and Answers

I’ve been thinking recently about a lot of the questions I’ve been asked as a mother and today I decided to provide those answers. I usually just smile sweetly at whatever random stranger that asks me their judgmental questions. I do realize that I look younger than my actual age. I am also taking into account that in real life situations I refrain from rudeness and instead use sarcasm. Most answers provided are what I would really like to say. Some questions are also from my own kid. Enjoy!

Q: Oh my goodness, why do you have that baby out here honey?

A: Because it’s my baby and not yours and I get to make the decisions about where he goes.

Q: Are you even old enough to have a baby?

A: Apparently so since I have one.

Q: You’re going back to work already? It’s only been 6 weeks.

A: Are you going to pay my bills so I can stay home?

Q: You curse in front of your kids?

A: Yes. Would you like me to curse in front of you?

Q: Won’t going back to school take time away from you spending time with your kids?

A: Won’t you complain if I’m working a minimum wage job, dependent on government assistance, and your hard earned tax money?

Q: When are you going to get married again?

A: When I stop meeting fools. Weren’t you married four times?

Q: You let your kids watch TV every day?

A: You paying this cable bill?

Now, let me just say. I am a pretty nice person. I suppose that I look approachable to strangers and they feel so inclined to ask questions. I guess that maybe if I answered this way in those real life situations maybe less moms would be questioned by randoms. For instance, the question about watching television, if I didn’t let my kids watch TV I’d more than likely be called a helicopter mom kid controlling. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. You may as well just do it the way you want to regardless.

Questions from my kid!

Bra’len: Mom how is the baby gonna come out

Me: Oh lord! It’s going to come out of my private part

Bra’len: Where you pee? (Looks very confused)

Me: Yes son. Yes. It’s a vagina okay. It’s going to come out of the vagina.

Bra’len: Cool.

After the baby: Mom how did the baby get in there?

Me: Holy shit what??

Bra’len: Uncle AJ said sex and I know that’s right

Me: Oh lawdddd. Yes sex.

Bra’len: So you had sex twice because you got me and Deuce. Can you make sex again so you can have me a sister?

Bra’len : Mom in the olden days what cartoons did y’all watch?

Me: Blank stare. Walks away

Bra’len: Mom when you were young did y’all…

Me: Bra’len I’m still young

Bra’len: But you’re like 30

Me: Blank stare. Walks away.

Bra’len: Mama are you supposed to fart and poop at the same time?

Me: That’s a called a shart baby

Bra’len: Well I just sharted mama

Me: Ewww.

Bra’len: Mama is my ding ding gonna get bigger, it shrunk (just got out the shower)

Me: It was never big what are you talking about?

Bra’len: It was big then it got small (he’s so dramatic and really concerned)

Me: Stop pulling on your ding dong and go put on some underwear! Ask your daddy!!

Y’all I’m a boy mom. Please pray for me. I have a feeling these questions are only going to get more crazy with time. I’d love to hear about your wild kid questions or questions lovely strangers have asked you. I also challenge you and myself, to answers questions without fear and shame. To help strangers understand that they should just be quiet. My favorite new phrase, “mind the business that pays you!”

Have a wonderful day mama’s!!

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