It’s so hard to let our kids be independent. At least it is for me. Mama’s always there to kiss the scrapes and mend the heart. No matter what happens they always know the one person they can count on is mom. Likewise, we’re dependent on that need. I love that my son still needs my help fixing things. I love that he wants to have movie night with me cuddled up on the couch. There are so many little things that I want to hold on to. Maybe it’s the controlling aspects of my personality but there are so many things I don’t want to let go of. Even just watching Bra’len do homework or answer questions in his class I’m fighting myself not to butt in. I want to answer the questions for him and I’m eager for him to raise his hand and participate. Some days I do well and mind my own business, silently shouting, “hell yeah, my boy!” when he chimes in with a good answer. He makes me so damn proud. Now, forever, and always, I hope he knows this.
My life as a mother is one of the most rewarding parts of my life. I love showing up for my kids. I love to help them learn new things, I love teaching them manners, taking them to new restaurants, teaching them to be kind, and going on dates with my boys. I want to equip them with all the things they need be wonderful, productive young men. I also know that my job as a mother means that I have to give them the space to grow into their own unique identities. I can start with planting the seed but the flower intended does not need my help becoming what it will be. I’m here to make sure the roots grounded and the soil is watered when needed. My place in their life as a mother is to nurture their growth free of my expectations.
My fiance loves to jokingly call me hippie mama. He says my methods for raising the kids is like a hippie. That I let them do as they please and say as they please. We were both raised that a child has no place in an adults conversation and I fully agree with that. We were both raised that as a child don’t get to speak about how you feel because you’re the child and you should remain in that space. That I do not fully agree with. I want to create an environment where my kids can always feel at ease about expressing themselves to us in a positive and respectful manner. I don’t tolerate talking back or disrespectful tones but I do do allow them to speak about what’s on their mind. And quite honestly I love that he calls me a hippie. I’m the softy out of the pair. My mama game is to give love and to show love always first and foremost. But trust me, when the hippie puts her foot down, they all know I mean business.
I love my little family so much and I’m so proud of how they are all growing. I love to see them becoming their unique selves. Mama is always going to be there to make sure they stay rooted but I’m reminding myself that is all I need to do. I don’t want to over-water them with my expectations of what they should be. Instead, I plan to enjoy the flowers they become.